Stupid Question Of The Week – Why Do Atheists Call On God When They Are Dieing?


CaptureNot to pick on just this guy.  This bit of idiocy is asked all the time.

Short answer is we don’t.  There’s no a single clear documented case of this that I know of.  There have been a few famous cases like the Lady Hope story about Charles Darwin, but that one is most certainly a lie.  The family that was preset all say so.

What this is about is the religious projecting their fear of death on to us.

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A Universe Not Made For Us – Carl Sagan


This is perfect.

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Stupid Bible Story part 160 – Bells Make You Immortal


ex39-high-priest-garmentsExodus 28:34-35 KJV
(34) A golden bell and a pomegranate, a golden bell and a pomegranate, upon the hem of the robe round about.
(35) And it shall be upon Aaron to minister: and his sound shall be heard when he goeth in unto the holy place before the LORD, and when he cometh out, that he die not.

OK, if you don’t think that this is stupid I’d like to point out that there aren’t any 3000 year old Jews around.  But seriously, the part that’s really funny here is the way this is supposed to work.

Let’s sew a bell and a pomegranate on the hem of your robe and alternate all the way around.  Then walk around and jingle your way into the hole place in the Temple.  God is going to reward this very hippy sound with you not dieing.

I mean come on people….this is hilarious.  I mean it might get bears to leave you alone, but it’s not going to do anything else other than make you look like an idiot.

The thing is, if you Google this you’ll find they still make robes like this.  They are sometimes called Glory Garments.   OK, they replace the pomegranates with a little fuzzy purple ball, but it’s obvious this is what they are going for here.

Seriously folks, you really need to act like it’s past the sixteen hundreds.

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Stupid Question of the Week – New End of Word Date



So this probably isn’t a troll here.  I’ve heard this date three times the last week but I’m not sure where they are getting it.  That’s always the problem with stupid questions, you can’t tell if they are real or not.  I’d like to stick with the real ones.

The thing that gets me is that this Rapture thing isn’t even Biblical.  This is a new thing that only dates back about 150 years.  I’ve read the Bible cover to cover twice.  It ain’t there folks.  So not only do I think you are idiots for believing something that crazy, most Christians know you are idiots about it too.  But the same way you read in that something that isn’t there, you manage to keep reading in dates that come and go with nothing happing.

It does however bring back fond memories of the May 21, 2011 date.  Holy crap, that went on for a year at least.  Idiots were quitting their jobs and going around the country telling everyone about it.  The reaction when it didn’t happen was priceless.  See, May 21 happens to be my birthday.  What an amazing present that was.

I’d love to know where the date is coming from.  If any of you know either hit the comments or email me with the contact form and I’ll update things here.  It would be funnier with a source of the madness.  I just can’t find it.

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Stupid Bible Stories part 159 – The Stars Will Stop Shining


starsJoel 3:12-16 KJV
12 Let the heathen be wakened, and come up to the valley of Jehoshaphat: for there will I sit to judge all the heathen round about.
13 Put ye in the sickle, for the harvest is ripe: come, get you down; for the press is full, the fats overflow; for their wickedness is great.
14 Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision: for the day of the LORD is near in the valley of decision.
15 The sun and the moon shall be darkened, and the stars shall withdraw their shining.
16 The LORD also shall roar out of Zion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem; and the heavens and the earth shall shake: but the LORD will be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.

The stars will withdraw their shining…..

This shows a very basic misunderstanding of how the Universe is put together.  Most of the stars we see stopped shining a long time ago.  We’re just seeing the light stream that they made when they were shining.  If one that’s only a million light years away stopped today we wouldn’t notice for a million years.

Then theres that second bit about the heavens and Earth shaking.  OK, Earth does have earthquakes and it does shake.  Outerspace however can’t shake and if it did we wouldn’t notice.


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Stupid Bible Story part 158 – Sound The Trumpets, God Is Coming


Joel 2:1-3 KJVangel sounding trumpet
1 Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy mountain: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand;
2 A day of darkness and of gloominess, a day of clouds and of thick darkness, as the morning spread upon the mountains: a great people and a strong; there hath not been ever the like, neither shall be any more after it, even to the years of many generations.
3 A fire devoureth before them; and behind them a flame burneth: the land is as the garden of Eden before them, and behind them a desolate wilderness; yea, and nothing shall escape them.

Sure sound the alarm.  God is coming today.

No wonder these guys all think that this is about to happen.  This was written thousands of years ago, so it must be any day now.

How many times are you guys wanting to look silly sounding alarms for things that are never going to happen?


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Stupid Question Of The Week


I’ve been seriously slacking on these.  I’ll try to do better.  For anyone who doesn’t know I hang on Yahoo! Answers a lot and the things that get asked are insane so hilarious.  Today’s entry:


I know….I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about either.   Parading your ignorance around doesn’t help your case a bit.

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Stupid Bible Stories part 157 – Sell All Your Stuff


poorLuke 18:18-23 KJV
18 And a certain ruler asked him, saying, Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
19 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is, God.
20 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother.
21 And he said, All these have I kept from my youth up.
22 Now when Jesus heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.
23 And when he heard this, he was very sorrowful: for he was very rich.

It is often very easy to see that Christians don’t actually believe the crap they spew.  If you really and truly believed eternity was at stake, you wouldn’t care about this life a bit.  So following what Jesus says ought to be simple.

Ever see a Christian follow this one?  I’ve heard of Buddhists doing it.  There were orders of Monks that did.  But both only did it when they were entering into a group that would protect them from their own stupidity.  No one does it now.

This thing doesn’t even make sense.  You would die if you just up and did it on your own.  You don’t help the poor by making more poor.  That doesn’t do anything for anyone.  Honestly, I can’t imagine worse advice here.

But still….eternity.  If I really believed that Jesus was God I’d have to go with it.  I really crappy 50 years (if you made it that long) vs. an eternity of bliss is a pretty simple trade.  So Christians, tell me again how you believe this?

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Stupid Bible Stories part 156 – Jesus Returns But Is REALLY Messed Up


Revelation 19:11-16 KJVE004OLSwordinMouth
11  And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.
12  His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
13  And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
14  And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
15  And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
16  And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

Umm….sword coming out of his mouth.   What the hell?????

Seriously, wearing clothing dipped in blood.  What kind of sick crap is this?  And he’s got to have his name written on both his vest and his thigh.  Kinda makes me think of my Mom writing my name on my underwear when I was going to camp.

This is one messed up dude here.  He’s wearing many crowns.  I mean wouldn’t one or two make the point?  And how many names does he have for petes sake.  Faithful and True, one that no one knows but him (apparently it’s a secrete), The Word of God, King of Kings, And Lord of Lords.  That’s four names in only six lines.  I mean decide what the hell you want us to call you there Jesus.

Oh yeah, then there’s the bit about the army being dressed in white linen.  That’s totally what I’d pick for battle.  Why the hell does a god need help with that anyhow?

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Stupid Bible Story part 155 – God’s Son Doesn’t Know What Stars Are


bongMatthew 24:25-29 KJV
25 Behold, I have told you before.
26 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not.
27 For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
28 For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together.
29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:

So this guy is the Son Of God?

Why doesn’t he know that stars are huge?  I mean the Sun is a rather smallish star.  It certainly couldn’t “fall from heaven”  under any circumstances.  If the Earth and Sun did come together somehow the Earth would be doing all the falling.

But tis ass-clown thinks that all the stars are going to fall one day.  This is a direct quote.  He thinks the Moon gives off light and that the stars that are enoumous and light years away are going to fall.  I mean even smoking weed wouldn’t help with this one.  The average stoner wouldn’t say something this idiotic.

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