Stupid Bible Stories part 156 – Jesus Returns But Is REALLY Messed Up

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Revelation 19:11-16 KJVE004OLSwordinMouth
11  And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.
12  His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
13  And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
14  And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
15  And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
16  And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

Umm….sword coming out of his mouth.   What the hell?????

Seriously, wearing clothing dipped in blood.  What kind of sick crap is this?  And he’s got to have his name written on both his vest and his thigh.  Kinda makes me think of my Mom writing my name on my underwear when I was going to camp.

This is one messed up dude here.  He’s wearing many crowns.  I mean wouldn’t one or two make the point?  And how many names does he have for petes sake.  Faithful and True, one that no one knows but him (apparently it’s a secrete), The Word of God, King of Kings, And Lord of Lords.  That’s four names in only six lines.  I mean decide what the hell you want us to call you there Jesus.

Oh yeah, then there’s the bit about the army being dressed in white linen.  That’s totally what I’d pick for battle.  Why the hell does a god need help with that anyhow?

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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