Stupid Bible Stories part 145 – Killer Hemorrhoids

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Internal_and_external_hemorrhoids1 Samuel 5:6-9 KJV
(6) But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.
(7) And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god.
(8) They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel? And they answered, Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto Gath. And they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither.
(9) And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

Emerods…..what the hell are those?  I had to look it up myself: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Emerods

Yep….God was hammering these poor saps with hemorrhoids so bad it was killing them.  Talk about a prick thing to do.  Just regular smiting wasn’t enough.  These guys had God’s ark.  So whip out a few killer hemorrhoids.

I’m wondering about another thing here.  Let’s suppose this is true.  Why the hell wouldn’t they convert?  A God that just wished killer hemorrhoids on them and it worked would be enough to convince me he was real.  I can’t imagine how this didn’t get a bunch of idiots from the Bronze Age to worship the hell out of him.

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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