Stupid Bible Stories part 44 – Hack Off Your Wife’s Hand If She Helps

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Deuteronomy 25:11-12
11  When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets:
12  Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

This one is weird for a few reasons.

First off it is commanding you to hack off your wife’s hand if she helps you out.  That seems a bit extreme.  The reason seems to be that God doesn’t like the way she did it.

But the part that really strikes me as odd is what are the actual odds of this happening?  I mean it seems fine with her taking a sword and running him through.  It seems fine with bashing him over the head with a boulder.  But heaven forbid she tough his man parts.  Holy crap, if that happens you have to hack off her hand.

Is this a common practice in Hebrew fighting or something?  I mean I could believe she might kick him in the nuts.  I could see her doing just about everything else EXCEPT trying to grab him there.  Let’s face it, that might hurt but it ain’t going to stop him from punching her lights out.

I just don’t see this being a common tactic. So why the specific mention of it here?  I mean does the Bible need to tell you how to react every time something really unusual happens?  Are there instructions for what to do if a man happens to grab a woman by the boobs in a fight?  I might want to grab them, but that’s not where I’m going in a fight.   Is there some kind of instruction for a man’s penis entering another man in a fight?  I mean I know that God has a problem with that one.  Does this imply that we ought to…..well….cut it off too?

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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