2 Being forty days tempted of the devil. And in those days he did eat nothing: and when they were ended, he afterward hungered.
3 And the devil said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, command this stone that it be made bread.
4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.
5 And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.
6 And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it.
7 If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine.
OK, this one has a couple of really asinine parts. My favorite is that bit where they are on the mountain and they could see “all the kingdoms of Earth.” Now that would have to be a damn high mountain to have that one work. You can’t even do that from the International Space Station. In fact, you can only see one side at a time. Was the Earth FLAT back then??? If any of you Christians have directions to this place, please feel free to provide it in the comments.
The second part that strikes me is the whole idea of Satan trying to tempt Jesus. The Christians say that Jesus is God. Well, Satan would have known that and that makes the whole thing pretty damn pointless. How the &%$# do you offer an omnipotent being anything that they don’t already have? I mean my wife bitches that it’s hard to shop for gifts for ME, imagine if I literally already had everything.
Oh and then this a bit later.
12 And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
Since that is exactly what Satan was doing it seems that maybe Jesus got that one wrong…..