Stupid Bible Story part 1 – Talking Donkeys

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Numbers
22:28 And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?
22:29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
22:30 And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.

Donkey OK…..I admit this one is too easy.  I said in an earlier post it was my favorite story, so I figure I have to start with it.  It almost isn’t sporting.  When you get to the level of believability that is equal to Shrek there really isn’t much to add.

The fact that people believe this crap astounds me.  I mean the guy is riding along on a donkey, he whips it a few times, and the thing starts having a philosophical conversation with him.  Old Balaam doesn’t even think it’s weird either.  He just talks back like it happens every day….or at least a few times a week.

Let me go on the record today, if a donkey ever talks to me I’ll convert.  I’ll be in church as fast as possible, after a quick stop to change my shorts because they will no doubt be soiled.

But all you Christians, you have something to pray for now.  If you really want to convert me, don’t knock on my door.  Just pray to have some jackass talk to me.

Wait….let’s reword that.  Knocking on my door WILL lead to some jackass talking to me.

Just pray to have some real honest to goodness donkey talk to me.  It should work to, as long as you ask it in Jesus’s name:

John 14:13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

I made sure to use the red letters because that seems to be how you understand that Jesus said it.  I mean after this one, I figure I have to be a bit careful about what I say to you.

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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