Stupid Bible Stories part 4 – The Entire New Testament


OK….I’ve been debating how to handle this one.  I usually start by posting a bit of the story I’m talking about, but this is just too long.  I’m going to assume that everyone gets the basics and that’s what I’m addressing here.  I have some stories in particular I’ll pull out later, but I’m talking about the big one that ends up with a dead Jew nailed to a stick.

I’m not quite sure where to begin because the basics of this are so important to Christians, but it’s such a stupid story.

OK…let’s start at the beginning.  Joesph had to either be covering for Mary, or he had to be the most gullible man in history.   Yeah, honey…I’m pregnant, but I didn’t have sex.  Yeah, God did this and I’m going to have a baby who is going to be King.

But OK, you guys believe it.  Yeah….I know.  Actually this is the most reasonable part now that I think about it.

So God was his own father.  I wonder how an omnipotent being managed to stay cooped up for nine months.  I’d think if you could create the entire Universe in only six days, it might get a tad boring.

The real kicker to me is why.  God did this so that he could be born, preach to a bunch of idiots who no one in that time even noticed for just a  couple of years.  Then he planed to have himself killed in a totally horrible, bloody, gruesome, manor.  This was a sacrifice to……well…..I guess himself.  (Yeah, hang in there it gets worse.)

I can’t imagine this.  An omnipotent, omnipresent being felt like it would be fun to sacrifice himself, to himself.   So what was the reason for this???

Well….it seems a few thousand years before some woman got tricked by a talking snake.  (See…told you it got worse)  This snake talked her into eating magical fruit that gave her the ability to tell good from evil.  This all happened over God’s objections to humans having knowledge and apparently it pissed God off really bad. (Even though he put the tree there knowing the woman would eat it.) Because of it he was totally unable to forgive us until he became his own father and killed himself.

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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