Stupid Bible Stories part 11 – David hacking off foreskins


(1 Samuel 18:25 KJV)  And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king’s enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.

(1 Samuel 18:26 KJV)  And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son in law: and the days were not expired.

(1 Samuel 18:27 KJV)  Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king’s son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

Apparently penises are very important to God, and he doesn’t particularly like how he designed them.

But this is a love story.  David had the hots for Michal and had to get Saul’s permission.  Being perfectly reasonable Saul doesn’t ask for a dowry of anything normal.   No, Saul wants a hundered foreskins.  What a weird sick bastard this Saul is.

Now if I was in David’s position I’d find another chick.  Insanity obviously runs in her family.  But she mus have been HOT.  I mean David not only gets the one hundred, he has so much fun there he goes ahead and gets two hundred.

How do you think he gift wrapped this????

But it all works out.  Crazy Saul lets the even crazier David marry her and they live happily ever after in a hacked up penis world.

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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