My favorite Bible story


Honestly, there are a lot of them. I mean lets face it, for stupid silly bull the Bible ranks up there.

I mean it starts right off with a story about how all of humanity’s problems were because a woman got tricked into eating fruit that gave her knowledge of good and evil. Like knowledge is EVER a bad thing. Oh…and the best part is, this was because she got tricked by a talking snake. Wow….

Then there is the story of Noah. It says water covered the highest mountain. That’s about as high as commercial jets fly. Next time you are up there, look down and pretend you are in a boat. The three species of elephants and enough food for the year we are talking about already go over the displacement of the largest wooded boats. Never mind how all the animals managed to walk there.

But hey, those just seem to long to be my favorite. My personal favorite brings the Bible to the level of Shrek. By that I mean:

22:28 And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?
22:29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
22:30 And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.

I’ve tried to figure out what exactly it is about this that I find so funny and I finally think I know.  It isn’t just that I hear Eddie Murphy when I read it.  It isn’t just the level of outright stupidity since things like Noah beat it.  I think the fumiest thing is that the dude didn’t even think it was weird that his donkey was talking to him.

I don’t know what to say except to quote P.T. Barnum.  “There’s a sucker born every minute”

About Gazoo

I'm a network engineer in the Phoenix area. Political conservative and atheist since age 10
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