Genesis 4:14-17 KJVLand-of-Nod-East-of-Eden
14 Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.
15 And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.
16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.

So we all know the creation fable in the Bible.  Adam is made by God from dirt.  Then God takes one on Adams ribs and makes Eve.  Then the talking snake gets them tossed out of Eden for telling them that knowledge is a good thing and they agree.  They have a a couple of kids (maybe more, it’s a little open ended) named Cain and Able.  Cain gets crap from God because his sacrifice wasn’t blood like Able’s, so he gets pissed and kills Able….because….well just because.  God then sends him away and he goes to live with people in the Land of Nod where he has a wife and a kid named Enoch.

The only problem here is where the %$#% did this people in the Land of Nod come from?  There wasn’t anyone else around.  That’s the story.  But out of nowhere this whole big place comes up where a brother murder can go and find chicks to shack up with.

Heck there was enough people here they needed a whole city.  It’s a pretty big jump no matter how you cut it.

The other thing about this that is pretty silly is that God marked Cain so that anyone who found him should kill him.  Well, that apparently didn’t work too well.  He’s out having kids and building cities and just having a fine time and no one lifts a finger to stop him.  You’d think that if an all powerful being wanted you dead, you’d damn well be dead.


turtles-queen-wilhelmina-state-park-arkLeviticus 15:25-30 KJV
25 And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.
26 Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
27 And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.
29 And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
30 And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.

OK, so God thinks that a woman is unclean when she is menstruating.   It’s wrong for a man to even be around her.    Heck, everything she even touches is dirty too.  I mean were people really this screwed up back then?  Normal body functions were cause to have to remove yourself totally from society.  But that’s not even the stupid part.

The thing that caught my eye was the way to be clean again.  You have to sacrifice at the alter.  And it’s very specific about what.  God wants two turtles.


What the heck.  Turtles.  I mean how the &#*@ is that going to help?  Is there something valuable about a turtle?  Maybe we should be researching exactly what it is about a turtle that would make you clean.  I can see it now, mass dissection of turtles looking for what it is that God might possibly want in them.

I’ve actually lost sleep over this one.  What the hell could anyone want with turtles?  It’s just staggering.


lastjudPsalms 111:1-10 KJV
(1) Praise ye the LORD. I will praise the LORD with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.
(2) The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.
(3) His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth for ever.
(4) He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion.
(5) He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.
(6) He hath shewed his people the power of his works, that he may give them the heritage of the heathen.
(7) The works of his hands are verity and judgment; all his commandments are sure.
(8) They stand fast for ever and ever, and are done in truth and uprightness.
(9) He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant for ever: holy and reverend is his name.
(10) The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.

Being afraid isn’t the beginning of anything useful much less wisdom or knowledge.  It only causes you to shrink from it like the Creationists do all the time.  This is exactly what is wrong with religion and exactly why it needs to go away.

But there’s more in this little poem that’s stupid.

2) The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.  But oddly we can’t find any of them.  It’s a nice claim, and it ought to be easy to verify, but these people didn’t know where the Sun went at night.  I’m pretty sure they were amazed by a lot of things we get now.

5) He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.   Well….obvious lie here.  He hasn’t given anyone anything they can show us.

6) He hath shewed his people the power of his works, that he may give them the heritage of the heathen.  Again, nope.  For a god they claim does so much we’ve yet to see any of it.

9) He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant for ever: holy and reverend is his name.  For ever???  What about all that New Covenant crap Paul goes on about?


Luke 17:6 KJV
6 And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.

So you usually hear the bit about moving mountains that’s right in front of this gem.  I already brought it up.  Of course you can’t no matter how much faith you have.

But Jesus had to double down with something even more asinine here.  He says that you can command a tree to pull itself up by the roots and plant itself in the sea.

I’d like to see either half of that one happen.  Planting a tree in the sea….and you wonder why we think this is all very idiotic…

In fact, I’ll make you Christians a deal.  You always ask me what it would take to get me to believe your stories.  Well…here you have it.  Let me watch you tell a tree to plant itself in the sea and have it actually do it.  You only need a tiny amount of faith according to Jesus himself, so it ought to work.


I wasn’t even stoned and found this press release to be hilarious.  To be fair, I find most everything on GodHatesFags.com to be hilarious.  (P.S. – Do click that link, I’d love to show up in their referral logs)  But this one was special.  Seems that they decided to picket a few of the marijuana facilities in Colorado.

This is the official press release….like any press actually reads these things.  You should though, it’s quite a gem.



In case you don’t know who Westboro Baptist Church is they are the clowns who decided it would be a good idea to picket funeral holding up various signs including the infamous “God Hates Fags” ones.  Here is a photo:


Now, why I find them funny rather than offensive.

Sorry guys, they are too stupid to offend me.   Let’s face it, they probably are actually following the Bible more than most.  The Bible pretty directly says that gays ought to be killed.  God must hate them if that’s the case.   And this inbred family of retards is just the jerkoffs to actually believe it.

But “sorceries.”   Sorry…that’s just funny there.  I mean even they ought to know that’s going to get a laugh.

Everything they do is like that.  Let’s face it, I have a hard time getting pissed off at the Klu Klux Klan for being racist too.  They are such jackasses about it that it’s funny.  Howard Stern had the right idea when he put them on the radio and just left them talk all the time.  He used to have a leader named Daniel Carver on pretty regularly.  His constant “Wake up white people” loses it’s sting really fast when you hear it all the time and you just start to laugh at the guy.  Howard was raised a Jew and is a public atheist, while is main side kick Robin is a black female.  They totally encourage Daniel to say what is on his mind when he is on.  They are even the targets of some of it, but they aren’t offended a bit.  It’s too silly to be offensive.  It’s like having a two year old call you a “poopyhead.”

I’m sure that stoned this would have been even funnier.  I can just see how this all went down.  I’m sure they were laughed at the entire day.



moonPsalms 121:4-6 KJV
(4) Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
(5) The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
(6) The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

Apparently the Sun and Moon smiting people used to be a problem.  They had to ask God to stop it and he did.

I mean I know that the Sun can give you cancer, but that’s not exactly smiting material.  But the Moon?  It’s pretty damn harmless by any standard.


birdsRevelation 19:17-20 KJV
17 And I saw an angel standing in the sun; and he cried with a loud voice, saying to all the fowls that fly in the midst of heaven, Come and gather yourselves together unto the supper of the great God;
18 That ye may eat the flesh of kings, and the flesh of captains, and the flesh of mighty men, and the flesh of horses, and of them that sit on them, and the flesh of all men, both free and bond, both small and great.
19 And I saw the beast, and the kings of the earth, and their armies, gathered together to make war against him that sat on the horse, and against his army.
20 And the beast was taken, and with him the false prophet that wrought miracles before him, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them that worshipped his image. These both were cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone.

Apparently Alfred Hitchcock was on to something.  The birds are supposed to eat us at some point.  Well, at least they are supposed to eat our leaders.

Then everyone with 666 tattooed on their forehead is supposed to be cast into a lake of fire.  Scary crap here.  We better get our shit together before this happens.

Nah….Hitchcock did it a lot better.  You can’t really be afraid of something this stupid.  The movie was actually pretty unnerving.


I live in Phoenix.  It’s been a national story, but really big locally.  Pastor Steven Anderson has been out there saying that Christians ought to be in favor of capital punishment for gay people.  I mean Richard Simmons sure, I think we can all agree the world would be a better place.  But everyone can see this is extreme and asinine.

Here’s the thing, he’s right in that the Bible does say this.  It’s not like there’s a lot of ambiguity in it.

Leviticus 20:13 KJV
13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Now I know, most of you think we ought to fight this bigotry by shutting him down.  There were protesters at his church this weekend that would like to do just that.  You are taking the wrong line if that is what you think.  Want to end it?  Just let him talk.

Really, there aren’t many people who aren’t going to think he’s a first rate jackass.  So hey, let him say every stupid thing that comes to mind.  Help it go viral.  Have as many people hear him as possible.  It’s the best way to fight it.

Christians are losing membership at a pretty good pace.  Most of it is the access we have to information now.  It’s a lot harder to keep a lie going when Google is there and you can find out pretty much anything in a few seconds.  The whole “there’s no evidence for evolution” thing falls apart in seconds if you type it into a modern search engine.  It also has a bit to do with access to each other.  When I realized I was an atheist I didn’t even know the word for it much less have other atheists to talk to.  Now someone who is leaning that way would have no problem finding others and that allows them to explore the idea and be comfortable with it.

But jerk offs like Steve here do more that all us bloggers ever could hope to.  I’ll say it again, he’s RIGHT when he points out the Bible says it.  If you believe that goofy book then you really should be in favor of it because it’s directly stated that’s what the creator of the Universe has in mind here.

Now everyone knows this is evil and no one would do it.  Christians go though all kinds of mental hoops to say it doesn’t apply even though Jesus himself directly says the laws DO APPLY at least until Earth passes

Matthew 5:17-18 KJV
17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

I just wish that Christians would sit down and read the thing and see what it’s really like.  This guy….this guy gets a few (not many) to do just that.  So let him talk.  Let everyone hear him talk.  You don’t even have to tell anyone how asinine it is because they already know.

Yeah…we might encourage a few nuts to actually do some of this.  And yes, it says they ought to kill blasphemers too, and I know that includes me.  But the overall effect will be making fewer religious nuts so it will end up safer in the long run.


Revelation 16:18-21 KJVhail1
18 And there were voices, and thunders, and lightnings; and there was a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great.
19 And the great city was divided into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell: and great Babylon came in remembrance before God, to give unto her the cup of the wine of the fierceness of his wrath.
20 And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found.
21 And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent: and men blasphemed God because of the plague of the hail; for the plague thereof was exceeding great.

I usually stay away from Revelation because it’s so idiotic across the board.  It’s hard to pick out what to even go after.  This little passage perfectly illustrates it perfectly.

First off they have all the islands fleeing away.  The earthquake, OK not exactly out on a limb that there are earthquakes.  But it says that Babylon is there.  Babylon has been in ruins for thousands of years.

There’s that whole bit about the mountains not being found.  That’s a pretty neat trick.  I mean David Copperfield did this thing where he supposedly made the Grand Canyon disappear.  It was cleaver, but not at all impressive.  Apparently God is going to try the same crap.

Then it says there is hail the weight of a “talent.”  I looked that up.  It is a bit over 75 pounds.  That’s not hail anymore and it’s not even close to reasonable.  I looked up the record too.  The wost hail storm killed 92 people.  But the stones were about 2 pounds.  The thing is, hail forms by getting blown back into the clouds over and over.  There’s an upper limit to how big they can get and 75 pounds is absurd.  Hail that big would crush any house or car.  It would leave small craters.  To think an entire storm would send nothing but that is crazy.



Internal_and_external_hemorrhoids1 Samuel 5:6-9 KJV
(6) But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.
(7) And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god.
(8) They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel? And they answered, Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto Gath. And they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither.
(9) And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

Emerods…..what the hell are those?  I had to look it up myself: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Emerods

Yep….God was hammering these poor saps with hemorrhoids so bad it was killing them.  Talk about a prick thing to do.  Just regular smiting wasn’t enough.  These guys had God’s ark.  So whip out a few killer hemorrhoids.

I’m wondering about another thing here.  Let’s suppose this is true.  Why the hell wouldn’t they convert?  A God that just wished killer hemorrhoids on them and it worked would be enough to convince me he was real.  I can’t imagine how this didn’t get a bunch of idiots from the Bronze Age to worship the hell out of him.

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